Do you have haters? Have you gotten negative online reviews? Have you gotten negative things written about you online in a Facebook group or somewhere else, and you’re feeling down? I understand you’re feeling stressed. You’re feeling like you don’t know what to do about this terrible review that you just got online. Someone left you a one-star. It’s especially bad for when you do a consultation with someone, and then they go online and they give you the one-star. I know how painful that can feel. It does feel painful, and also more than anything you feel embarrassed. We feel ashamed. We feel like, “How could somebody do that, and what are other people going to think?” But, I want to talk to you today about how to handle your haters.
Handling haters is hard. As a person who speaks publicly about money, about earning, about my own personal earnings, and helping people step into their own worth, it triggers others. It triggers others because they feel like it brings up money issues for them. Sadly, I myself have dealt with a lot of haters, hateful things being written about me online, threads just knocking me. It doesn’t hurt me as much as it used to. Before, it used to really get me down. I know I see a lot of lawyers who are so upset when they have a one-star review online and they don’t know what to do, and they’re so sad about it and frustrated and hurt and embarrassed, and feel ashamed. I understand.
So one of the things that we have to do is, we have to allow ourselves to not let it get to us. I know one of our first reactions is to go and respond to the negative message. We want to respond to whatever it is that people are saying about us. But, I posted something on my Instagram that says, “Self-care is also not explaining yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you.” Some people don’t want to understand you. People are going to disagree with you, even if you know that you did an incredible job on a case or you did an incredible job on a consultation, someone still might go online and say that you didn’t. They’re going to be very committed to that point of view. So, there’s no point in going back and forth.
The thing about haters is that they put us on the defensive. They attack us, so whenever we’re attacked we feel like we need to defend. But really the best thing to do when we are being hated on, when we’re being slammed online, is to not defend ourselves, because you’re not going to convince someone who disagrees with you. There is nothing that you are going to be able to say to them, a point that’s going to make them be like, “Oh yeah, you know what? I had never thought about it like that before.” Whatever it is, they’ve given it a lot of thought, and they still have their point of view. So, there’s no point in going back and forth with them. I like to say, honor the fact that they shared their opinion with you. That’s their opinion. We all have opinions. We all have perspectives. We all have points of view.
You can also honor yourself by not engaging. You can honor yourself by not getting defensive. It is the best way to deal with haters, both professionally and personally. Sometimes you have someone in your life who is a high-conflict person. We get to choose how we interact with other people when they’re hating on us or when they’re being mean to us. We get to decide how we react, and by us taking control of our reactions, it means that we are now in control of the entire situation.
I know for me when I first published my podcast, the very first day that I announced my first episode was going to be put out, someone went and gave me a one-star review. I knew that it wasn’t someone that had listened to my podcast and absolutely hated it. It was someone who didn’t like me and just wanted to go and do that to me. I just decided okay, I’m going to just shake it off. I can’t change that one-star. I can’t change it, and everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, so I honor her for having gone there. She wanted to spend the time in her day to go and be negative, and that’s what haters do. They use their energy for negativity.
Something my husband said to me was, “Look, one time I was being cyberbullied really badly online, and it didn’t hurt my feelings as much as it shocked that someone could do that.” He said, “Look, all of those people right now are spending so much time being negative, and look what you’ve spent your day doing. Finding ways to lift people up, finding ways to try to inspire people, finding ways to try to help people be better.” So he’s like, “Look at the success that you have, and it’s because you’re dedicated to this mission. So, don’t get lost in those haters.”
I love that piece of advice, and I share that with you because I know that it can be applicable to anything that you do. If someone has gone online and written something negative about you and your legal services, I can tell you that it shouldn’t stop you from your mission of changing your clients’ lives. You do great work. You are changing peoples’ lives. One negative review or 10 negative reviews, they don’t mean anything because you know that you are out there doing this great work and changing lives. While someone is taking the time to have that hostility and negativity, you are sitting down with people, and you are transforming their lives one-by-one. It just shows that there’s a difference. There’s a disconnect. That’s why it’s not worth engaging.
But I will say that there are different ways that you can report negative reviews, depending on where it is. So, I would really look into the different ways that you can do that. In Six Figure Solo, I did a whole lesson on different ways to try to undo negative reviews. There are also companies that will help get rid of negative reviews for you online, especially if something’s defamatory or something’s very patently false.
I would say that when it comes to dealing with haters, yes it’s easy to figure out how to go through and take down those bad reviews, or at least try to, but I would say don’t let it shake your inner-peace. Don’t let it shake your state of mind, and certainly don’t let it stop you from doing the incredible work that you’re doing, and shining the light that you have, and doing things in the way that only you can because you are needed. You are needed, and it is not worth your time to go down a road of negativity. You owe it to your clients. You owe it to your family. You owe it to yourself and to your life to rise above and have a great life and continue to do your excellent work.