Stop worrying about what other people think.
Yes, that’s much easier said than done. But, it does become manageable when you realize that these worries are just what you think secretly. They’re the negative things you feel about yourself.
It’s in your mind, and you can control and change your mindset.
In these blog posts, I’m thankful to have insights from Goli Kalkhoran. I looked for her on Instagram and pretty much forced her to be my friend. She’s well-known for her podcast, Lessons From A Quitter. She quit the law and started a fantastic new business. I love her point of view on this kind of change. When you visit her website, it’s right there. “It’s never too late to start over.”
I help lawyers start over with their law firms. And I know so many of us worry about what other people will think. How much we charge alone is already so stifled by worrying about how other people judge us!
Someone WILL say something: You’ll survive it
There is a prevalent fear about change: When we put ourselves out there, someone will say something negative to us. It always happens. People even tell me they’re afraid to do Facebook Live because they’re afraid that someone will say something.
I’ve had people say negative things about me online. I’ve had people write negative things about me on my podcast. And, honestly, part of getting over it for me was realizing that someone said something, and I survived it.
- Someone says I’m ugly.
- Someone calls me stupid.
- Someone tries to label me unethical.
As a lawyer, getting called unethical is… That’s like a freaking piercing thing to your soul, right?
But while it pierces your soul, the hater who posted that will just go on with their lives. Why shouldn’t you? Just because someone says something nasty doesn’t ever mean they’re right.
Be true to yourself and do your best
Read that again, because it’s all you need: Be true to yourself and do your best.
I’ve kept my anxiety in check with this. At the end of the day, I’ve gone out there and tried my best. Maybe some people won’t like it, and some people will. And that’s absolutely fine.
I have my family, my health, my partner, my life.
So, no matter what anyone says, being true to who I am and knowing that I have everything I need are all that matters.
Why should I let hateful comments ruin the beautiful life I have, for even a minute? I don’t spare a thought for them. You don’t have to either.
It’s very freeing when you start to realize that what others say can’t take the most important things to you.
Figure out your secret rules
We mentioned this in the previous blog post about conquering the Impostor Syndrome. The secret rules come from the book, Not Nice, by Dr. Aziz Gazipura. Our brains like patterns, so over the years your mind creates thousands of secret rules for every social situation based on what you do most often.
We live by these rules without even realizing we created them.
Uncover them by asking yourself. In your marriage, with your children, in business, with colleagues and/or staff, what do you always do? And, what do you never do? Then, ask that for specific situations.
Here’s an example:
- Situation: A coworker always comes by to chat and disrupts you
- What you always do: You chat because you don’t want to hurt her feelings by saying you don’t have time to talk.
- The secret rule uncovered: Anytime somebody comes to talk to me, I have to engage in that conversation, or I’ll make them feel sad.
Now that you’ve figured it out, it’s not okay, right? It’s an insane rule. You’re not responsible for never making someone feel upset at your own expense! But we don’t realize these polite and often restricting rules that we live by.
Work to discover these hidden rules and realize which ones are logical and which ones are harmful or unnecessary.
The complete title of Not Nice is a mouthful, but it speaks of the best secret rule we should live by instead:
Up your mindset
You can also take steps to create more positive rules for yourself and update your mindset. Here are four things I practice and encourage you to try.
- Practice gratitude.
Gratitude centers you and helps you realize everything you have so that what other people think and say doesn’t matter at all. It changes your perspective. Gratitude practices have changed my life, and I would recommend everyone to do it.
- Give yourself enough credit.
Once you are confident in the service or product you sell, your mind can easily call up true things to deflect what the haters say. You reach a place where you know you’ve served enough people. You’ve done this long enough that people’s opinions don’t matter as much to you.
For example– and this might likely start when you overhaul your law firm– someone might say you’re unethical or that you shouldn’t charge what you charge. In Six Figure Solo, you deal with that by assuring yourself that you’re doing a good service. It’s value-based quoting.
The value? You’re changing people’s lives!
- Free yourself from perfectionism.
Perfectionism deals with the Impostor Syndrome we discussed last time. But remember, if you worry about what other people will think or say if you make a mistake, that’s perfectionism talking. The worry is your fear of failure in disguise. Once you embrace the opportunities for growth that come with failure, you’ll regain your confidence.
And with confidence, you’ll attract the right people and the right things you need to help you succeed and not fail!
- Be mindful of the info you take in.
Reading and listening to the right things can change your mindset. Find podcasts and audiobooks to serve your mind and change the way you think constantly.
Mindset is everything. Remember that you create your reality with what you think you can do and can’t do. So, be careful and very mindful about your thoughts and any insecurities or secret rules that influence them. The more you master your mindset, the better you master your life.
If you’d like to learn more about mindset, sign up for my Six-Figure Solo program! Six-Figure Solo now comes in three tiers – Executive, Solopreneur, and CEO. Sign up here!